Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks
- It works better if you plug it in
- We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse
- My weight is perfect for my height - which varies
- Remember My Name - You'll Be Screaming It Later
- Inventor of keyboard is a very passionate guy as he put U and I together
Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks
- I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people
- Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic
- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
- The hand that turneth the knob opens the door
- Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package
Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks
- Life is short, make fun of it
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments
- Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot
- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get
- He who refuses to listen is lying
Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks
- Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
- Despite the cost of living have you noticed how it remains so popular?
- Out of my mind... Back in five minutes
- Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down
- If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything
Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks
- How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on
- It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, some one would be stupid enough to try to pass them
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away and you have their shoes
- Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time
- Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them
Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks
- The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up
in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school/work
- I don't have a solution but I admire the problem
- The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once
- A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house
- Marriage is the only war in which one sleeps with the enemy
Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks
- If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries
- When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car
- Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: 'Take two aspirin’ and "Keep away from children'
- Don't forget that people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions
Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks
- Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key
- The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film
- If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle
Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks
- I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a
fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground,
and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that's a documentary.
- It's all fun and games, 'till someone loses an eye! Then it's a *SPORT*
- If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button
- Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population
- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before
Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire
- I'm Out Of Bed And Dressed; What More Do You Want?
- Virus check complete. All viruses functioning normally
- If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing, I'd glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised. "Wait a minute! I thought we won!"
- The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent
Cool Remarks
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
- Speed on! Hell ain't half full...
- You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter
- Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off
- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried
Cool Remarks
- Be nice to your kids... They will pick out your nursing home
- When I'am good, I`m very, very, very good!! But when I'm bad, I am even better...
- Marriage is like the army. Everybody complains, but you'd be surprised at how many re-enlist
- Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife
- Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia. (unless you're in Australia -then start worrying)
Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks
- Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive
- Pardon my driving, I'm reloading
- A day without sunshine is like, well, night
- A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well
- As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me.
Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else
- Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering
- Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance
- The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong
Cool Remarks
- A girls best asset is her lie ability
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
- Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may work
- Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance
- If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to invent it
Bumper Stickers
- The difference between "ordinary" and "extraordinary" is that little "extra
- Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone
- Anybody who thinks talk is cheap never argued with a traffic cop
- A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions
- Some people are only alive because murder is illegal
Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks
- No one is listening until you make a mistake
- Never play leapfrog with a Unicorn
- To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other
- If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle
- Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and so is mankind
Bumper Stickers
- On the other hand, you have different fingers
- I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself
- He who laughs last, thinks slowest
- Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off
- Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks
- With her marriage she got a new name and a dress
- Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all it's students!
- Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy
- If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying Forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact
- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges
Bumper Stickers
- My wife ran away with my best friend. I sure miss him
- As I said before, I never repeat myself
- The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first
- Honk If You Want To See My Finger
- Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth
